Rob's death is with me day and night but then so is my passion to do something positive against kni
PUBLISHED: 12:12 03 September 2009 | UPDATED: 11:16 12 August 2010
THERE are people out there whose children have been killed, they close their curtains, shut the door and block out life. I have to admit I have contemplated a couple of times of killing myself and ending the pain but I have another son I love very much
THERE are people out there whose children have been killed, they close their curtains, shut the door and block out life.
"I have to admit I have contemplated a couple of times of killing myself and ending the pain but I have another son I love very much and I also want to make a difference to the horrendous problem of knife crime, that is new passion Rob has given me."
Colin Knox tells me this as we sit in his Greenhithe flat in Ingress Park. It is a bachelor pad and a small shrine to his beloved son, with cards and a Taekwondo suit bearing his name and personal reminders of his son.
Teary eyed he talks with passion about Rob's achievements, his will to push life to the full and is dreams for the future.
He relives the horrendous aftermath of his son's murder in great detail, something that fills his mind every day.
"I have always been a positive person in life but never really looked beyond, but Rob, he was totally different. If he saw a door open he not only opened it, he pushed on it, went through the other side and grabbed what he wanted.
"Since his death that is what Rob has given me. For Rob there was not something he would not climb or go round. He would set his goal and go and achieve it.
"His death is with me day and night but so is my passion to make the streets safer and prevent further knife crimes and deaths."
And Mr Knox, who separated from his wife months before his son's murder rocked the country, has not rested.
It's just 15 months since Rob died and alongside his heartbroken ex-wife, Sally, they have captured the nation's heart.
On October 15 a charity event will be held at Charlton FC to raise awareness, raise funds for the Rob Knox Memorial Fund and to officially launch a very important campaign, to get mandatory six month sentence for knife carriers passed by government.
"This campaign has given me something to live for," he said.
"There were times when I contemplated ending it all but Rob has taught me there is so much to live for.
"There is bad out there, but there is plenty of good out there.
"I breathe and live this pain everyday and Rob is always at the forefront of my mind. Our aim has no limits but if I can stop one family suffering the horrendous pain my family has endured it will be worth every minute. After his death I did not know how I would go on, this is giving me a will to live, to save others like I couldn't save my son.
"We want to set a deterrent so everyone knows if you carry a knife and you're are caught you are going to prison. Inside we need to change their mindset, not send them back in to society thinking it is ok to carry a knife."
Recently Colin Knox and other families whose children have been knifed to death, visited Prime Minister Gordon Brown at No10. They were joined by the parents of other knife victim's - Jimmy Mizen and Damilola Taylor - members of Families United, a support group for victims' families.
The memorial fund launched in memory of Rob Knox has helped finance three street pastors to help keep the streets safe, given £1,000 to the vital Witness Service at the Old Bailey.
As well as the film, which Colin is in talks with various channels to screen, a song he wrote is to be recorded by an up-and-coming 16-year-old star.
But his focus is interrupted when he talks about Rob's most famous moment, starring in the latest Harry Potter movie.
"He's sitting around that table and they did about 30 or 40 takes. He is stuffing these profiteroles in his mouth, literally gorging on them each take. Each take the bowl was filled up and he went at it again, I was told he got through 107 before the end of the scene. Some joked that a seasoned actor would have nibbled them, predicting a series of takes. Not Rob he went full throttle and although it was a small part, he made that character.
"And when I met the producers at the special screening for the family I had to make my excuses and leave the room. I was overcome with emotion listening to the three main producers all saying, how professional, wonderful to work with and dedicated he was to making the character Marcus Belby his own.
"It is because of this they intended to build on his character and had asked him to appear in the next film. Everyone loved him and his work. He even started a food fight in the Big Hall off camera, hitting Daniel Radcliffe in the face. I met people who worked on that film who said it was the first real time they felt like going to work was a pleasure, something fun, he had made a huge impact and should have been able to achieve all he wanted.
"To see him in such an iconic film was out of this world."
But it is when he talks about the days after that fateful night when Rob was stabbed five times, one a fatal blow, that he sobs and for that he makes no apologies. "I've done it so many times, at my desk, sitting on the train, at home on my own, during speeches and interviews. Sometimes for a few minutes, other times longer. Why wouldn't I, he is my son, I love him dearly and miss him madly.
"That night at the hospital when we were told he had died Sally collapsed, I was numb in shock. After leaving the hospital we finished a bottle of whisky, easy.
"But it was the second night alone in the flat. I remember it was that terrible rain and storm. I walked to near the Abbey and sat for hours, listening to music and trying to smoke in the rain.
"I then walked along the river, which I had done with Rob previously and he had actually said to me 'I wish all of England was like this place'.
"Once my mum said to me 'when you have children make sure you are not only their father but their friend' and that's exactly how it is with both Rob and Jamie."
He added: "You know I still can smell him, feel his soft skin and his body shape. We used to hug and kiss all the time. The hardest was holding his coffin, seeing him in the Chapel of Rest, he looked like he was asleep, but he was cold to touch, not much softness. That temperature and heat the body emits had gone and it was spooky but I am glad I took the chance to spend that moment with my son.
"I have learnt to live with my emotions. I remember two things and that is to retain the good memories of Rob and focus on the things I want to do to combat knife and gun crime on our streets."
Mr Knox said he had been 'blown away' by the support since his son was killed, from family, friends, the media and colleagues and bosses at IPC Media where he works as a production controller. He said: "Everyone supports my aims. For that I am so grateful."
Charlton FC is due to hold the charity dinner at The Valley ground on October 15 as part of a'Stop Knives, Save Lives' campaign and the club's pioneering Street Violence Ruins Lives campaign. It will be held in memory of the actor and Addicks supporter to tackle the problem of knife and gun crime, and to raise money to continue work in schools across north Kent, Bexley, Bromley and Greenwich.